Sunday Blues

Sometimes I can't help but think, wouldn't life be so much simpler if I didn't want to have a baby? If that were the reality, I could be training for my next best time at a marathon right now and John and I could be planning all sorts of exciting, upcoming worldwide trips. 

I miss running like I used to, a lot. I used to get such a thrill running fast, partly because I was really good at it and partly because it was such an awesome adrenaline rush. 

With running, I felt fit, strong, challenged, and IN CONTROL. Now, running only 25-35 miles a week (and SLOW miles at that), I feel soft, out-of-shape, and just not myself. For me, I think the worst thing about the challenges I've faced in the TTC-world has been NOT being the one in control. Instead, I'm completely, 100% at the mercy of my body. Whatever my body decides (with no input from me), I have to abide by and accept. And, with my personality, type A and a definite planner, it is not a good fit at all. 

So, on days like this one when I start feeling a little sad and out-of-sorts, I try to remember all the good I have in my life - a wonderful husband, an awesomely cool dog, a beautiful home, and great friends and family. This is what I have to remind myself of on days like today, because at the end of the day, I really am one lucky gal.