TWW

The two-week-wait. And, so it begins.  It's funny, in the real world, the world that exists outside of TTC that is, I'm always amazed at how quickly time flies by. The months just seem to disappear, one after the other, and before I know it, POOF, we're into a new season. That's the real world.

But, in the TTC existence that I live in currently, the 14-day, TWW is excruciatingly long, with day 14 seemingly so far away in the distance.

Of course, the two-week-wait is also a time full of anxiety, hoping against hope that your AF doesn't suddenly appear, either five days early (like my first round with injectables), right on time, or even one or two days late.

It's also a time you search for ANY possible symptom that could somehow be related to an early pregnancy. Sore boobs, sensitivity to smell, very light spotting around day 7-8, which could indicate implantation, etc., etc. No need to go on, I think it's clear, I know WAY too much about this stuff!

I often ask myself, "why can't I be one of those women who has absolutely no idea that she's pregnant?" You know the woman I'm talking about -- she continues with her day-to-day routines, oblivious of her slowly changing body, until one day she realizes she doesn't feel quite right and then it finally dawns on her that she's actually three weeks "late".  What I wouldn't give to be in that place!

The funny thing is, once I started with this whole TTC business,  suddenly, out of the blue, this very thing happened to two good friends of mine. And while I was very happy for them (deep, deep, DEEP down inside), it's been so difficult being on the other end of that.

And,  it's those very people who have said things to me (with best intentions of course) that has really made me realize how they, along with most others, just have NO idea what I' m going through and how I'm feeling. Here are just two examples:

1. "You know, you really shouldn't try so hard. If you just relax a little and not think about it, it'll just happen." Seriously? I mean, come on, if there was any way I could get this brain of mine to stop thinking so much about all of this, I would do it in a heartbeat. I'm not sure what magic pill they think I can take to shut things down in there, but if there is one, I want it!
2. "Have you thought about adoption?" Now, while I have the utmost respect for anyone who adopts a child and would definitely consider it for myself in the future if it really comes to that, this is one of the last things I want to hear right now. Not only because I'm in a place where I think it would be amazing to have my own little kiddo that's part me and part my husband, but also because it makes me realize I'm not the only one who's losing hope that I'll be able to conceive and hold onto a healthy pregnancy, others feel that way too. We're just not quite there yet and it's NOT what I need to hear as I'm continuing along this current venture. 

I know these comments are said with love and best intentions in mind, but I must admit, it's hard to hear words of advice like that when I know the people uttering them just can't understand.

So, I start this two-week-wait on my own (and with the support of some wonderful on-line TTC friends) and will wait it out with all the patience and sanity that I can muster.   

I go back to the doc tomorrow for my final appointment in this cycle, for a quick ultrasound to see what eggs released and confirm that I did in fact ovulate as expected. Here's hoping for good news then and additional good news in the very near future!