Day 12. Either I am or I'm not. Only time will tell.
The TWW is now coming to a close and I'm feeling a whole mix of emotions. Part of me desperately wants to test right away and just know already. The other part of me wants to wait, just in case it turns out to be a no-go this month. I'm just not ready for that --not yet anyway.
This journey has been a tough one and I just want to make it to the next phase. I keep hoping that maybe, just maybe, this will be the month. But then I remember that the odds are against me. Damn stats! Sometimes I'm amazed that anyone is able to get pregnant, much less someone who isn't even trying (I really dislike those people by the way).
I know the world isn't fair, especially when it comes to this whole TTC thing.
I read other women's stories - women who have experienced the same disappointments and heartbreak I have (or worse) - and it just boggles my mind how many others are going through these same feelings. Most of us wanting to scream at the top of our lungs, WHY? We're good people, doing everything right, WHY NOT US???
As comforting as it is to know that I'm not alone in this journey, it breaks my heart that so many other women have had to or are going through this same seemingly never-ending cycle of TWWs.
I will test tomorrow, on day 13, and we'll see what happens. I have a blood test on Monday to confirm one way or the other, but I figure if I'm going to get bad news, I'd rather have that happen in the comfort and privacy of my own home than through a phone call at work.
I am still hopeful for the good news. But I know that it could really go either way, so I'm prepared for the tears and the once again sinking feeling in my heart.
It's weird, as I get closer and closer to day 14, the fresh hope that I had at the beginning of this TWW has slowly seemed to dissipate. Maybe it's my body's defense mechanism, preparing me for the worst so that if it does happen that way, I won't completely fall apart? Yea, good luck with that.
Positive thoughts for now though. Still dreaming of our baby #1. Still hoping. That's gotta count for something.
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