Next Steps

Well, my week-and-a-half of injectables has now come to a close and, thanks to my patient and willing husband, I was able to get through the process practically pain-free. Once the self-administered intramuscular injections into the upper thighs stopped and John took over, it became a lot easier.

Of course, the last thing I wanted was for this whole process to interfere with other areas of our life, specifically our intimacy with one another. But, I'm not sure I was completely successful on that end.

As much as I hate to admit it, I really needed John's help over the last week-and-a-half, as those self-administered IM injections were becoming pretty traumatic for me over time and my walking abilities 24-hours post-injection, had become ridiculously limited due to extremely sore muscles.

If only I had figured out a way to master those self-injections into my back hip/buttocks area on my own, which would have, at the very least, kept the un-sexiness of this whole process a bit more out of John's view.

Sadly though, my lack of balance and coordination prevented that from happening. So, John, the sweet man that he is, came through for me, willing to assist wherever he could.

I would be lying though if I said I didn't feel quite a bit less sexy in front of my husband these days. Crazy, huh? This whole baby-making thing is supposed to be a fun, alluring, intimate experience with the man you love most. With all the love-making required to make this baby, how could it not be?

Well, let's just say when your husband's nightly ritual includes sticking you with a needle in the buttocks area (at a 90-degree angle and in a dart-like fashion of course), he just doesn't seem to be much in the "mood" afterwards.  And neither do you for that matter.

Now, don't get me wrong, John and I are both definitely keeping our eyes on the prize, knowing, if we end up pregnant and everything goes well this time around, it will all be worth it in the end.

It's just jarring sometimes to realize that these are the steps we're now taking to get to that place. All of our naivety from last year, thinking everything would happen easily, without any mishaps, completely gone, with too many realities, statistics, and uncertainties now in its place .

I'll be honest, I'm tired. The last year-and-a-half has been utterly exhausting in this venture to have kiddo #1.

I know I should be excited that we're in that next phase where we may find out we're pregnant in just a couple of weeks (first IUI completed today, next IUI tomorrow afternoon), but the uncertainty of it all cautions me not to dare hope, only to be disappointed yet again.

And, I know I shouldn't complain, There are a lot of women out there who have been trying for much longer than I have and who have had many more disappointments along the way. But, sometimes it's hard to control my emotions,  especially with all of these silly hormones flying through my body right now, getting in the way.

I will end this entry by saying that I AM hopeful that this time it'll all work out. But, I am not the one who controls this destiny. It is now out of my hands, and for me that's the hardest thing of all.  Only time will tell, but here's to happy news to come...